i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
