Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Randomize
