The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
