I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize