my mouth tastes like poor choices
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
bring money and cleavage
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
