People in love make me want to vomit
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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