Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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