I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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