You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
