it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
