is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
