I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
