Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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