i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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