Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
