You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
