So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize