Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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