Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
