What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
