I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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