I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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