How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
