Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My vagina just recognized that song.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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