I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
In America we eat man semen.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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