My boss' voice literally gives me gas
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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