saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
