yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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