what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
