I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize