i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
it's great music for shaving your balls
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
