And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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