When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
