I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
