So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize