The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
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