So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
