You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
