I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
MIDGETS
????
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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