I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
