3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
