Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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