Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
