Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
