The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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