please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
