I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
