If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
