I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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