what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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