Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
