So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize