I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
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