I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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