I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
