I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
