Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
