So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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