Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
