is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
