I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
