yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
