What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
