discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
