my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
