I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
