Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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