put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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